Me, Myself & I

The World the way I see it

I’ve moved AGAIN

Posted by Luminus on July 13, 2006

Howdy Y’all,
I’ve moved my blog again. I finally forked out the cash for my own domain and hosting and I’ve setup a spanking new WordPress Install. I picked a few good themes and a whole boat load of plugins and it’s looking pretty good.

I’ve copied all the posts on this blog over to the new one, all that’s left is to move my links and blog roll and get back on track with my bloggin.

I toyed briefly with the idea of installing WordPress MU, which is what powers this blog, ‘cos I’ll be running two blogs, but I gave it up seeing as there isn’t a 1.0 stable release yet and the guys warned that it breaks a lot. My PHP skills are a little rusty and I don’t think I want to be trying to fix bugs on my own every few days.

I found a really cool plugin called Multiply that enables me run two blogs with just the one installation. So now I’ve got my main blog here and I’ve moved the Jobs in Nigeria blog here. Hopefully I won’t have any crazy ideas to run more blogs otherwise I’m gonna have no choice to get MU installed.

Well, everything is honky-dory and the best thing that’s happened today is that my weekly Maintenance meeting which is scheduled for Thursdays is cancelled, Yippeeeeeeee. I get to go home early today.

Ok, ok, ok, I’ll shut up now. Y’all be good and I hope to hear from y’all soon.

P.S. If you don’t have a gravatar, now would be a good time to get one, ‘cos both my new blogs have gravatars enabled for commenters and they look so cool. You’ll have yourself to blame if you comment and no neat picture shows up.

I’ve still gotta figure out how to make a default image show if you don’t have a gravatar instead of the rubbish that presently displays.

If my blogs look funny in Internet Explorer, don’t complain, you know better than to use that thing. You can always head over and Get Firefox or some other decent browser.

Jeez, I’mlong winded today eh!!!

Anyway, Adios Muchachos.

Posted in Blogs & Blogging | 3 Comments »

Productivity: Soccer Style

Posted by Luminus on July 12, 2006

Here’s a little something to ticle your funny bone, hope you get a few laughs and please feel free to pass it around.

To: All staff
From: Company president
Subject: Low productivity

It has come to my attention that productivity has dropped drastically since Friday, June 9th. I’m not sure what’s going on, but please be assured that I’m monitoring the situation closely and will suspend or terminate employees who aren’t pulling their own weight.

For the company to be successful, it’s important for all of us to work hard. We need to learn from the examples set by the following managers, whom I’m pleased to recognize.

John Tembo, Human Resources Manager: I was walking past John’s office and heard him and several employees shouting “Goal! Goal! Goal!” When I knocked on the door, John told me they were watching a training video to help them achieve company goals.

I have nominated each of them for our Employee of the Month Award. It’s important for all of us to focus on goals. As John said, “Without goals, our team will lose.”

Carlos Mendez, Sales and Distribution Manager: Carlos called me on Friday morning to say he was ill and couldn’t come to work. His doctor had diagnosed him with a rare illness called socceritis. The illness affects patients for at least a month and there’s a chance of relapse every four years.

As you can imagine, I was rather shocked and saddened. I wondered how we could manage without Carlos for so long. Perhaps Carlos read my mind, for he immediately put me at ease. “I’ll come to work, boss,” he said. “The illness isn’t contagious. I just need to return home to get 90
minutes of rest a few times a day.”

D([“mb”,”
our Courage and Inspiration Award.

Ravi Narayanan,\n Product Design Manager: As of Friday, Ravi is testing an
innovative program he developed called WHFH (Work Hard From Home). He
believes it will not only increase productivity in his department but
also lower costs considerably, particularly the cost of buying coffee and
doughnuts. Ravi came to work briefly on Tuesday and I overheard him
saying to another manager, "South Korea 2, Togo 1." I asked him about it
and he said, "That\’s the number of customers we have in each country."

I was extremely pleased. I didn\’t realize we had a customer in Togo. I am
nominating Ravi for our\n Innovative Spirit Award.

Hans Mueller, Advertising Manager: Hans, as you know, is always looking
for new ways to advertise, new ways to reach potential customers. Since
Friday, he has been personally manning an information booth at the ESPN
Sports Bar. I paid a surprise visit to the bar and heard Hans talking to
an employee about something called "World Cup." He told me it\’s an
acronym he\’s using to motivate employees: WORLDCUP (Working Overtime
Results in Less Disappointment and Creates an Upsurge in Productivity.)

I am nominating Hans for the High Motivation Award.

Ming Yu, Technology Manager: I found Ming coming out of a bathroom stall
with a small battery-operated TV. He said he\’s testing a video
conferencing system that will enable employees to continue to work while
doing their business. A few minutes later, I heard Ming telling his
assistant how
many customers we have in certain\n countries. I was proud to hear all the
numbers, but disappointed to realize we have no customers in America.
That\’s a huge market that we\’re missing out on.

In any case, I am nominating Ming for the Bathroom Productivity Award.

“,1]
);

//–>What an example Carlos is setting for all of us. I am nominating him for our Courage and Inspiration Award.

Ravi Narayanan,
Product Design Manager: As of Friday, Ravi is testing an innovative program he developed called WHFH (Work Hard From Home). He believes it will not only increase productivity in his department but also lower costs considerably, particularly the cost of buying coffee and doughnuts.

Ravi came to work briefly on Tuesday and I overheard him saying to another manager, “South Korea 2, Togo 1.” I asked him about it and he said, “That’s the number of customers we have in each country.”

I was extremely pleased. I didn’t realize we had a customer in Togo. I am nominating Ravi for our
Innovative Spirit Award.

Hans Mueller, Advertising Manager: Hans, as you know, is always looking for new ways to advertise, new ways to reach potential customers. Since Friday, he has been personally manning an information booth at the ESPN Sports Bar.

I paid a surprise visit to the bar and heard Hans talking to an employee about something called “World Cup.” He told me it’s an acronym he’s using to motivate employees: WORLDCUP (Working Overtime Results in Less Disappointment and Creates an Upsurge in Productivity.)

I am nominating Hans for the High Motivation Award.

Ming Yu, Technology Manager: I found Ming coming out of a bathroom stall with a small battery-operated TV. He said he’s testing a video conferencing system that will enable employees to continue to work while doing their business.

A few minutes later, I heard Ming telling his assistant how many customers we have in certain
countries. I was proud to hear all the numbers, but disappointed to realize we have no customers in America. That’s a huge market that we’re missing out on.

In any case, I am nominating Ming for the Bathroom Productivity Award.

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Posted in Jokes and Humor | Leave a Comment »

I’m back I think adn Rooney should be sanctioned

Posted by Luminus on July 7, 2006

I haven’t been blogging for a while now, so sue me, I’ve been neck deep in work while also completing plans to become a blog landlord, not that I haven’t enjoyed freeloading on WordPress.com, but you know how it is, I need my own space.

Anyhow, here’s what made me write up a new post. I nicked ths off of, Nfield, a blog wriiten by Dan, an Advertising Exec, which explains the spin he put on it. It was just so striking. If you didn’t see the match between England and Portugal where Wayne Rooney got sent off then you won’t get it and frankly I’m neither in the mood nor do I have the time to explain.

Check it out. You may wanna click on it to see a bigger version.

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Posted in Entertainment and Media, General | 6 Comments »

Does evil exist?

Posted by Luminus on June 14, 2006

This has a thought provoking message no matter what you believe or what thought line you tow.

Does evil exist?

A university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists?

A student bravely replied “yes, he did!”

“God created everything?” The professor asked.

“Yes, sir,” the student replied.

The professor answered, “If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil.”

The student became quiet before such an answer.

The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.
 
Another student raised his hand and said, “Can I ask you a question professor?” “Of course”, replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, “Professor, does cold exist?”

“What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?” The students snickered at the young man’s question.
 
The young man replied, “In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody and every object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (- 460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have too little heat.
 
The student continued. “Professor, does darkness exist?”
 
The professor responded, “Of course it does”.
 
The student replied, “Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton’s prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn’t this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.”
 
Finally the young man asked the professor. “Sir, does evil exist?”

Now uncertain, the professor responded, “Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. “These manifestations are nothing else but evil.”
 
To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love, that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.”
 
The professor sat down.

The young mans name — Albert Einstein

While I can’t confirm that this can really be attributed to Uncle Albert, I agree whole heartedly with the direction of this argument. Take a minute, think about it and let me know what you think.

Shalom

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Posted in Inspiration | 21 Comments »

Daddy’s 10 Rules of Dating his Daughter

Posted by Luminus on June 13, 2006

While I was searching for an appropriate link for the book, 10 Commandments of Dating, I typed 10 Rules of Dating in Google instead and I found this piece. I think it's cool so I'm sharing it.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier Method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car –there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Posted in Jokes and Humor | 8 Comments »

Grown Women

Posted by Luminus on June 13, 2006

A lovely sista sent me this, I guess that makes me one of only a few good men.

This differentiates between girls and grown women. I think that in some ways we can adapt this to the men as well, I’m too buzy (more like lazy) to do it so if you want to, go ahead and if you can, send it to me so I can put it up.

The thing that really jumps out at me from this is Rule No. 1 from the book 10 Commandments of Dating by Ben Young and Samuel Adams, Get a Life. That’s enough rambling, enjoy.

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.
 
Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he’s truly hers, he doesn’t need controlling.
 
Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn’t.
 
Girls try to put a man ‘on lock’ by using sex.
Grown women know that it’s the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to ‘lock’ you down.
 
Girls fake-moan, lay there and take the stabbing.
Grown women say, “Just stop”, get up, get dressed and walk out.
 
Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it– using it as a time for personal growth.
 
Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.
 
Girls make you come.
Grown women make you come home.
 
Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.
 
Girls try to monopolize all their man’s time (i.e., don’t want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil’ bit of space makes the ”together time’ even more special — and goes to kick it with her own friends!
 
Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.
 
Girls want to be spoiled and ‘tell’ their man so.
Grown women teach by example and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without any slur on his “manhood”.
 
Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that was just one man.
 
Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all ‘signs’.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don’t always love you back– and move on, without bitterness.
 
Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and a few good men!!

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Posted in Inspiration, Jokes and Humor | 4 Comments »

Hands free can opener

Posted by Luminus on June 6, 2006

handsfreecanopener.jpg

Need a better can opener? Sharper Image is betting you do. Check out their Handsfree Can Opener.
With just a push of a button the Handsfree can open most round cans, automatically traveling around and cutting a smooth edge just below the rim, allowing you to lift the lid safely without sharp edges.

needing more juice. Best of all is that the battery-operated cordlessThe can opener runs off of two AA batteries and will open about 100 cans before design will let you use this little baby wherever you need to, in the kitchen or out on a campsite. How convenient.

Posted in General | 9 Comments »

WATCH IT!!! I KNOW ALL OF YOU

Posted by Luminus on June 6, 2006

Here’s why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the worst answer.

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.I’ve know you since you were a young boy,and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. “

The Lawyer was stunned.

Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones. do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can’t
build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said,
“If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I’ll throw you in jail for contempt

Posted in General | 4 Comments »

Excellent poems by not so famous poets…

Posted by Luminus on June 5, 2006

Excellent poems by not so famous poets… found on toilet doors and walls……….these are

the Robert Frosts or Nissim Ezekiels of today…to the manor born…

A budding poet trying his best…

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this…

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You’re lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

Perhaps it’s true that people find inspiration in toilets.

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose…

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls…

Toilets walls also double as job advertisement space…….

(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!

Seen above a urinal:

Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don’t piss in your ashtrays!

On the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

A sign at a swimming pool bathroom:

We don’t swim in your toilet, so please don’t pee in our pool.

Another sign seen at a swimming pool:

Welcome to our ool.
Notice there’s no P in it.
Please keep it that way.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson…

Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food…please aim properly!

Hope you have a blast.

Nuff love.

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Posted in Jokes and Humor | 5 Comments »

Woman . . . as explained by an engineer

Posted by Luminus on June 5, 2006

This is some really interesting stuff I came across. The things you are about to see don't necessarily reflect my views or opinions, so don't call me sexist or any other Gender Sensitive name. :)

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Posted in Jokes and Humor | 6 Comments »

 
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