Me, Myself & I

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Archive for January, 2006

Lots of Nigerian Jobs – Check ’em out

Posted by Luminus on January 31, 2006

Here’s some stuff that came in my email and I thought y’all could benefit from it so check ’em out.
1. Managament Trainees (recruitment by IRIS CONSULTING)
Fresh University Grads…
Completed NYSC….
Must be less than 27yrs on 1/Jan/06
apply online @: www.irisconsulting.info or
2. Management Trainee – Operations
B.Sc/HND ElectElect/Civil/EstateMgmt
Computer literacy, internet navigation
Job Conditions… self motivation & high energy level, interest in field work, standby
24/7, extended work hours…. male candidates willing and ready to in any location
in the country will be given greater consideration.
fill Online application form at
standard chartered bankhttps://www.fhrsecure.com/graduates/apply/appNewStart.asp
2.
Interswitch Limited, Nigeria’s premier EFT and
Switching company is looking for young, talented and
experienced .NET developers.
If you meet the criteria below, please send your CV to
masagba@interswitchng.com
1. Minimum of a years experience using Microsoft C#
.NET or, and
Java to build software applications.
2. Minimum of a years experience using SQL Server
2000 and a
very good knowledge of building advanced database
management
systems.
3. Experience in building web based, data driven
client – server
applications.
4. Good knowledge of internet technologies –
HTML,DHTML,
___Javascript, etc.
5. A good understanding of the concepts of Object
Oriented
Programming.
6. A good University degree. Polytechnic graduates
may apply.

7. At most 28 years old as at 31-Dec-2005

Interswitch offers you a career in Information
Technology like no other company in Nigeria. We offer
you an enabling and rewarding environment using
cutting edge technology that will challenge and drive
you.

We are an equal opportunity employer with a bias for
young, bright, talented and focused individuals. We
are looking for the best. Join us.

Olumuyiwa Asagba
Chief Software Architect
Interswitch Limited
1648c Oko-Awo Close
Victoria Island Lagos
www.interswitchng.com
Pls pass it on

Cocacola


Management trainee vacancies

You must :-
Have at least 5 credits including English and Maths at
one sitting (SCE/GCE)
Be a University or Polytechnic graduate in any
discipline
Have concluded NYSC
Have an analytical, enquiring mind and excellent
numerical,communication and interpersonal skill.
If you have the above, send clear handwritten
application together with a one page curriculum vitae,
copies of birth certificates only, SSCE/GCE results,
HND or degree certificates and NYSC discharge
certificate, quoting ref. No. MT/2006 with a current
daytime address/mobile telephone number to :-

The Recruitment manager
The Learning centre
NBC Plc, ikeja Plant
Agidingbi Road, Ikeja
Lagos.

OR

The Human Resources Manager
NBC Plc
(At the Plant nearest to you)

Closing date: 30-1-2006-01-18

4.Consulting firm

Wanted: Fresh graduates with Second class Upper in any
discipline for the position of Associates in a
consulting firm.
Please quote the reference number below on your CV and
send to: recruitment@nextzon.com

Ref no. Associate (NBS 1)

5. Career in an I.T Firm

Position: Trainee Officers – Lagos
Second class Upper in Management, Social Science/ Pure
Science

Indicate BOLDLY the position applied for at the top
centre of the Application

Send Application and CV to patfredjobs@yahoo.co.uk

I want you to reach out to colleagues and friends with Engineering
background, who made either a first class or second class upper, that
are doing your National Youth Service or finished not too long, to
send in their resumes to:
Uchenna Opah
Human Resources Department
DeltaAfrik Engineering Limited
6th & 7th floors, City Express Bank House,
Plot 1637, Adetokunbo Ademola Street,
Victoria Island, Lagos.
e-mail: uchenna.opah@deltaafrik.com or uchopah@yahoo.com
Tel: +234 1 4618508, 4616137, Ext.145
I believe it is urgent.
N.B send application by email
major Hotel in Portharcourt is recruiting for the positions below
listed. Shld you know anyone that fits and is keenly interested
kindly ask such to send mail to tubosun.olude@wfmcentre.com within
the next 3days.
JOB DESCRIPTION/PERSONS SPECIFICATION1) JOB TITLE : AGM HotelsLOCATION OF ASSIGNMENT:
HEAD OFFICE, PORT HARCOURT.

REPORTING TO:
General manager.

QUALIFICATION:
BSc HOTEL & CATERING MGT.

MIN YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
8yrs experience.

NATURE OF PAST EXPERIENCE/PREFERRED WORKING BACKGROUND
Administrative, marketing and practical knowledge and experience in
running all sections of the hotel., outdoor catering, banqueting and
housekeeping experience in a 3 star hotel. Knowledge of hotel
software is an advantage.

BENEFITS
Car, Housing and service charge.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (Age range, Special requirement etc.
35-45yrs, versatile, self motivated, flexible and pleasant
individual with leadership skills, one who is ready to make
significant impact in service standards. A sanguine by nature and
action oriented.

2 JOB TITLE: Chief Accountant

LOCATION OF ASSIGNMENT:
HEAD OFFICE, PORT HARCOURT.

REPORTING TO:
Group Financial Controller

QUALIFICATION
First degree (BSC or HND) in Accountancy and ACA

MIN YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
8 years minimum relevant experience

NATURE OF PAST EXPERIENCE/PREFERRED WORKING BACKGROUND
5 years experience in the hospitality industry as a head of accounts
department

BENEFITS
Service charge and a vehicle
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (Age range, Special requirement etc.
Analytical and strong interpersonal skills a must.

Posses knowledge of at least one accounting package

3 JOB TITLE: Internal Audit Manager

LOCATION OF ASSIGNMENT
HEAD OFFICE, PORT HARCOURT

REPORTING TO:
AGM (f&c)/AGM (id)

QUALIFICATION
First degree (BSC or HND) in Accountancy and ACA

MIN YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
8 years minimum relevant experience

NATURE OF PAST EXPERIENCE/PREFERRED WORKING BACKGROUND
5 years experience in an accounting firm at a managerial level

BENEFITS
Service charge
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (Age range, Special requirement etc.

Posses knowledge of any accounting package and POS

4 JOB TITLE : Senior HR Adviser

LOCATION OF ASSIGNMENT
HEAD OFFICE, PORT HARCOURT

REPORTING TO:
AGM HUMAN RESOURCES & IT

QUALIFICATION
BSc in Social Sciences or related field.

MIN YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
5years experience.

NATURE OF PAST EXPERIENCE/PREFERRED WORKING BACKGROUND
5years human resources management experience in a similar position
in the hospitality industry.

BENEFITS
Service charge, housing.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (Age range, Special requirement etc.
35- 45yrs, strong interpersonal skills, people management skills,
excellent oral and written skills.

5 JOB TITLE: Head of Security

LOCATION OF ASSIGNMENT
PORT HARCOURT, HEAD OFFICE.

REPORTING TO:
Facilities & Logistics Manager.
QUALIFICATION
BSc, Retired Military or Police Officer.

MIN YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
10yrs

NATURE OF PAST EXPERIENCE/PREFERRED WORKING BACKGROUND
Military, police and other security operations experience.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (Age range, Special requirement etc.

40-45 years, not below the rank of Supritendent or its equivalent,
IT skills also required.

6 JOB TITLE: Regional Manager Fast food

LOCATION OF ASSIGNMENT
PORT HARCOURT. HEAD OFFICE

REPORTING TO:
General Manager.

QUALIFICATION
BSc Catering and Hotel Management, or Food Science & Technology.

MIN YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
5yrs experience

NATURE OF PAST EXPERIENCE/PREFERRED WORKING BACKGROUND
Relevant experience in fast food operations with evidence of
starting different outlets in a chain.

BENEFITS
Car, housing
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (Age range, Special requirement etc.
35-45yrs, strong interpersonal skills, self motivated leadership
skills and a team player.

A Top Manufacturing Company in Lagos has vacancies for the
ff positions:
1)Financial Manager
Requirement
*ICAN
*Minimum 6Years Work Exp in Manufacturing Industry
*Not more than 35yrs
2)Supply Chain Manager
Requirement
*Relevant post graduate degree
*Minimum 6Years Work Exp in Manufacturing Industry
*Not more than 35yrs
3)Warehouse Manager
Requirement
*Relevant post graduate degree
*Minimum 6Years Work Exp in Manufacturing Industry
*Not more than 35yrs

Kindly send email to tubosun.olude@wfmcentre.com

A leading Multinational Oil & Gas firm needs for immediate employment
young and vibrant candidates for the following job openings;

1 � CHEMICAL ENGINEER

2 � MECHANICAL ENGINEER

3 � ACCOUNTANT (QUALIFIED OR PART QUALIFIED (ICAN))

4 � FINANCE OFFICER

Requirement

– First Degree in the related discipline, preferably with
second class upper from a reputable university

-Not more than 32 years old

-Minimum of 3 years related work experience

-Must be ready to learn new methods of work

-MUST BE A NORTHERNER (Please note that this is to ensure a
balance in the staff composition of the client)

B) Oil & Gas
A leading Multinational Oil & Gas Firm requires for immediate
employment a BILINGUAL SECRETARY (Open to all)

Requirement

-ability to speak French and English fluently

-2-3 years work experience as a Secretary in a well
structured environment.

-not more than 30 years old

-good looking and presentable

-ability to relate well with people across all culture and
status

kindly send cvs to tubosun.olude@wfmcentre.com

I hope there’s something in here for everyone.

4

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Posted in Jobs in Nigeria | 23 Comments »

PetsMart’s PetsHotel gives humans plenty to be jealous about

Posted by Luminus on January 27, 2006

Imagine a hotel that caters to your every need — even if your needs include frequent TLC, three daily meals the way you like them, free DVDs and a daily dose of lactose-free ice cream.The only difference is that this hotel does not cater to people, but rather to an eager clientele of four-legged friends.

Yep, that’s right. Cats and dogs are honored guests at the PetsHotel in PetsMart Fremont Hub, which opened last month. This is the 33rd PetsHotel in the nation and the first in Northern California. The hotel accommodates all “guests,” whether they are 4-pound toy poodles, 150-pound Newfoundland dogs, or reserved tuxedo cats.

One of the few national chains of its kind, PetsHotel offers to take care of your pets in an environment that mirrors the special treatment you give them at home, according to Aubrey Charland, assistant general manager of the hotel.

“Here, your pets are loved and treated just like they would be at home,” says Charland. “This is a safe and secure place where you know your pet is being cared for 24 hours a day, seven days a week.”

Care includes an on-call veterinarian, safety-trained specialists, and a “spa” that offers cuts, shampoos and manicures.

The hotel’s cat wing features individual “kitty cottages,” complete with a hypo-allergenic sheepskin blanket, fresh litter, daily meals, and a half-hour of TLC time where your cat is petted and loved by a pet care specialist. On every condo door, a “pawgress” report can be found that states the animal’s special dietary needs or personality traits.

The dog wing of the hotel features two housing options — a dog atrium, where dogs can be linked to adjoining atriums if they are from the same family, or a swanky personal “suite” complete with a “poochy cot” and a color TV showing doggie-friendly movies such as “Milo and Otis.”
If Fido feels lonely, or misses “mommy and daddy,” he can even make a call with the “Bone Booth” speakerphone and hear their loving voices.

“Our guests love the Bone Booth,” says Charland, who helps place the calls to nostalgic owners. “The animals really recognize their parents’ voices and go crazy when they hear them.”

The PetsHotel is not limited to overnight stays by furry guests — it also offers “Day Camp” for dogs, so owners can drop off their pets for the day to mingle and make friends in a playtime setting. Playrooms are even customized for certain-sized dogs — you won’t find a Chihuahua and an akita building a friendship.

Guests are background-checked to make sure they’ve had their vaccinations, and non-neutered and unspayed animals are rarely allowed in the presence of other animals.

Flat fees are charged for overnight stays, $14 per cat and $23 per dog, but add-on package options also are available.

The “Bizzy Bundle” — which includes a lactose-free ice cream treat, a special chew toy covered in peanut butter, and dog-on-dog group playtime for $8 — has been the most popular option for your canine loved one.

So while Fido and Socks’ parents are vacationing at the Ritz-Carlton Paris, they can rest assured that their pets are being pampered at PetsHotel. The animals may not be getting champagne and caviar, but PetsHotel’s clientele will sure keep barking for the biscuits.

Posted in General | Leave a Comment »

The Net has gone BlogMad

Posted by Luminus on January 24, 2006

The Net has gone BlogMadTrust me on this one. The net has gone freaking BlogMad. Everybody’s blogging. Well, If you can’t beat them, join them. If you run a blog, here’s your chance to get mad traffic. Get people to listen to what you have to say. Join now before it’s launched this January. Join by clicking the image on the left or you could just click the banner link under my Great Oudoors on the right side of the page.

Dont Miss Out.

Posted in General | 2 Comments »

Passenger bites man, jumps from moving plane

Posted by Luminus on January 24, 2006

vert.rigby.evac.jpgAn airline passenger bit a fellow traveler Monday, then jumped out of a jetliner as it was moving to take off, authorities said. He was later subdued with a stun gun.

Troy Rigby, 28, was taken to a hospital from the Fort Lauderdale airport, the Broward County sheriff’s office said. It was unclear whether he was injured.

Paul Sigler suffered minor injuries from the bite. (Watch emergency workers treat the suspected biter — 3:28)

The Continental Airlines flight had been delayed for about 30 minutes, and as the Boeing 737 began to taxi, the man started yelling to get off, the sheriff’s office said.

He ran to the front of the plane and banged on windows and the cockpit door, authorities said. As passengers and crew members tried to restrain him, he bit a passenger.

When the pilot depressurized the cabin, the man opened a door, jumped to the tarmac and ran toward the terminal. Deputies said they zapped him with a stun gun after he resisted arrest.

Rigby will be charged with criminal mischief, criminal trespass, battery, resisting arrest with violence and battery on a law enforcement officer, in addition to an outstanding warrant for marijuana possession, the sheriff’s office said.

The plane, set to fly from Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport to Newark, New Jersey, was carrying 116 passengers and five crew members. It was rescheduled for later Monday, a Continental spokesman said.

Posted in Oddly Enough | Leave a Comment »

Deadly Ice Cream Truck

Posted by Luminus on January 24, 2006

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed
away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to
visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her
grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while
we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people
nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking
for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago,
realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best
time to do it was when the church bells would start to
ring.

It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out
on the Dong.

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “he’d
still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along

**********************************************

Forgive me for this one. I just had to put it up.

Posted in Jokes and Humor | Leave a Comment »

Is the mule for sale?

Posted by Luminus on January 24, 2006

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From  morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always
complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was
when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field.  He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump,
and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing
him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with
both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head.

Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something
rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he
would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when
a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute,
then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the
minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and
asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but
always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: “Well, the women would come up and say
something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress
was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.”

“And what about the men?” the minister asked.

“They all wanted to know if the mule was for sale.”

Posted in Jokes and Humor | 1 Comment »

Sex change saves prostitute from caning

Posted by Luminus on January 23, 2006

A Thai prostitute escaped caning for drug dealing in Singapore after a doctor established that the accused, who was identified in a passport as a man, had undergone a sex change, the Straits Times reported on Friday.Singapore’s drug laws, which include the death penalty for possession of certain amounts of drugs, provide for different punishments for males and females.

While male offenders can be punished with up to 15 strokes of the rattan cane for drug-related offences, female offenders are exempt from caning.

The Straits Times said Mongkon Pusuwan’s fate had been uncertain for weeks while the court waited for a medical report, which ultimately confirmed that the 37-year-old was a woman following a sex change operation undergone 10 years ago.

The Thai national was arrested close to the city-state’s upscale Orchard Road shopping district last December and charged with trafficking 1.52 grammes of cocaine and 2.5 grammes of ketamine.

Can you beat that. What a country to live in if you’re a criminal. So 15 Strokes of cane is supposed to be punishment for such a heinous crime, Lord have mercy. What exactly is that supposed to teach you.

I know for a fact that if that was the punishment for drug trafficking in Nigeria, practically everybody would be doing it seeing as most high school kids have learnt to be impervious to caning since about age 12.

Posted in Oddly Enough | 3 Comments »

New Computers For Old Guns

Posted by Luminus on January 23, 2006

Mexicans are being invited to exchange their weapons for computers under a quirky new idea to curb rampant crime in Mexico City.Authorities in one of the city’s 16 districts are offering a new computer, out of 150 donated by a charitable foundation, for each gun handed in.

“People often have a gun at home, which could perhaps be for self-defense, but sadly it becomes a family tragedy when it is not used properly ” Guadalupe Lopez, local government head for the central district of Alvaro Obregon, told Reuters.

Shootings are a daily occurrence in Mexico City, a sprawling megalopolis of 18 million people where muggings, carjackings and kidnappings are common.

The computers-for-guns program, which echoes past schemes in other city districts that offered groceries for guns, will target some of the district’s most crime-hit areas, although collectors’ items are also turning up.

“This used to be my father’s. He died and left it to us, but we don’t have any use for it,” said Emilia Reyes, arriving with her young son to drop off an old-fashioned wooden dueling pistol. “It’s better for him to have a computer in the house than a gun.”

Maybe if we try this sort of thing in the Niger-Delta, we can get Asari Dokubo and his peeps to lay down their arms, though we may just make them take up another form of terrorism – Yahoo! Yahoo!, for those that know what I mean.

OK, that was a joke, but I think it’s a laudable idea on the Mexican front, firstly because it’s actually working as people are coming forward to trade and secondly because it’ll help significantly reduce the killing sprees that have become a societal norm for them.

Posted in Oddly Enough | Leave a Comment »

A great place to be a snack vendor (Sell Weed Legally)

Posted by Luminus on January 23, 2006

Marijuana growers gathered in Europe’s pot-smoking capital (Amsterdam) on Sunday for a trade show that is taking on the trappings of a major industry fair, complete with scantily clad models, glossy brochures and, of course, samples. But instead of posing next to muscle cars, the models explained the intricacies of hydroponics culture such as the “iGrow-box Intensive Irrigation System” and exhibitors showed off their bongs, grinders, rolling paper, reflective film, hemp-fabric apparel and how-to marijuana growing videos.”This gives you an uplifting high, up in the mind, not in your body,” marijuana cultivator Arjan Roskam said of his latest Cannabis Cup-winning strain, “Arjan’s Haze #1.”

Roskam, who says he has hosted celebrities such as 50 Cent and Eminem in his Amsterdam coffee shops, was selling his prize-winning plant seeds for 100 euros ($121) alongside other strains such as the “Great White Shark” and “Hawaiian Snow.”

Andre Beckers, the organiser of the International Highlife Hemp Fair, said he was expecting 15,000 to 20,000 visitors at the fair, held for the first time in Amsterdam instead of Utrecht, a smaller Dutch city to the southeast of the capital.

“This is part of the normalization process,” Beckers said. “People see this as a normal fair.”

While Dutch “coffee shops” are allowed to sell small quantities of marijuana, growing and distribution of cannabis remain illegal in the Netherlands. Police were at the fair but did not appear to be taking action against the growers.

I can see cogs turning in some of your heads, anybody considering a move to Amsterdam!!!! That’d be mighty fun if you’re a weed head

Posted in Oddly Enough | Leave a Comment »

Ten Reasons Why You Should Date a Geek

Posted by Luminus on January 20, 2006

Hey, I just saw this over on Kazey’s Journal and I figured I should share since I found it interesting. Plus I’m a geek (sorta) and Kazey’s a geek too so a li’l advertising for ourselves wouldn’t do us any harm…would it?

Look it up for yourself here.

Posted in Jokes and Humor | Leave a Comment »