Me, Myself & I

The World the way I see it

How English becomes German

Posted by Luminus on May 4, 2006

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
 
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
 
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
 
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
 
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
 
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
 
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
 
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

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Technorati : English, German, European Union

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3 Responses to “How English becomes German”

  1. Boso said

    lol

  2. ADEBIMPE said

    zat vuz a gud on i smild zank you …. i zink zat ve shuld also remov ze O from ze aparently silent ‘ou’ sound as in YOU AND SHOULD , ZANK YU

  3. Marcus said

    http://ccat.sas.upenn.edu/jod/texts/twain.html

    A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling, by Mark Twain:

    For example, in Year 1 that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s”, and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform “w” spelling, so that “which” and “one” would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish “y” replasing it with “i” and Iear 4 might fiks the “g/j” anomali wonse and for all.

    Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez “c”, “y” and “x” — bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez — tu riplais “ch”, “sh”, and “th” rispektivli.

    Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

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