Me, Myself & I

The World the way I see it

Woman . . . as explained by an engineer

Posted by Luminus on June 5, 2006

This is some really interesting stuff I came across. The things you are about to see don't necessarily reflect my views or opinions, so don't call me sexist or any other Gender Sensitive name. 🙂

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Posted in Jokes and Humor | 6 Comments »

Incredible Offer – Hurry While Stocks last

Posted by Luminus on June 5, 2006

Howdy people, brand new Nokia phone with camera at the giveaway price of $50. Payments accepted in all currencies and shipping is free anywhere in the world.

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Posted in Jokes and Humor | 2 Comments »

Marriage Commandments

Posted by Luminus on June 2, 2006

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. 

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about Something you
say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

Bonus Commandment story.
A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too.
But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The
wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "So It really works!"

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Posted in Jokes and Humor | 13 Comments »

Marriage and relationship lessons from Kids

Posted by Luminus on June 2, 2006

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

  1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10
  2. No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. — Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

  1. Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. — Camille, age 10
  2. No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. — Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

  1. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. — Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

  1. Both don't want any more kids. — Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

  1. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. — Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
  2. On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. — Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

  1. I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. — Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

  1. When they're rich. — Pam, age 7
  2. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that – – Curt, age 7
  3. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. — Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

  1. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. — Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

  1. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? — Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. — Ricky, age 10

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Posted in General | 1 Comment »

A woman’s worth

Posted by Luminus on June 2, 2006

I got these messages from two friends and even though I haven’t been able to verify the second part, the one about the Talmud, I beleive that these things hold true.

Read, Enjoy, Share and most of all allow your conception of women and your relationship with them be guided by these words.

1. Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way.

2. This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the book where all of the sayings and preaching of rabbis are conserved over time.

It says:

Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears.
The woman came out of a man’s rib.
Not from his feet to be walked on.
Not from his head to be superior.
But from the side to be equal.
Under the arm to be protected,
and next to the heart to be loved.

Pass this on to all exceptional women that you know.. and to men too so they know the value of a woman.

Posted in Inspiration | 2 Comments »

Is he mine?

Posted by Luminus on June 1, 2006

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me – is our youngest son my child?”

The wife replied, “I swear on everything that’s holy that he is your son.” With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three.”

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Lipstick Remover

Posted by Luminus on June 1, 2006

A man goes to his doctor and says, ”Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I’ve got a problem.”

The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his penis.

The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area. ”It’s all cleared up!” the man reports when he returns.

”But what was that medication you gave me?”

”Lipstick remover.”

Posted in Jokes and Humor | 1 Comment »

Don’t wanna miss a thing

Posted by Luminus on June 1, 2006

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, “Well,I don’t know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant – about 4 months would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?” Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?”

The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”

Posted in Jokes and Humor | 2 Comments »

Some Holy Humour

Posted by Luminus on May 31, 2006

There was a feud between the Pastor and the Choir Director of The Hicksville Southern Baptist Church. It seems the first hint of Trouble came when the Pastor preached on "dedicating yourselves to service" and the Choir Director chose to sing: "I Shall Not Be Moved."

Trying to believe it was a coincidence; the Pastor put the incident behind him. The next Sunday he preached on "Giving". Afterwards, The choir squirmed as the director led them in the hymn: "Jesus Paid It All."

By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday morning attendance swelled as the tension between the two built. A large crowd showed up the next week to hear his sermon on "the sin of gossiping". Would you believe the Choir Director selected: "I Love To Tell the Story."

There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the congregation that unless something changed he was considering resignation. The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them in: "Why Not Tonight."

Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later; explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away. The Choir Director could not resist: "What a Friend We Have in Jesus."

Have a swell day y'all

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Posted in Jokes and Humor | 5 Comments »

You’re never too old to chase your dreams

Posted by Luminus on May 30, 2006

Feel too old…too broke…too tired…to chase your dream? Maybe you just need a role model.
Inspire yourself here.

Posted in Inspiration | 8 Comments »